Uplift Jeans Are A Downer May 7, 2008

Once again I fell for lame advertising gimmicks. I purchased the Victoria’s Secret VS Uplift Jeans with Tummy Flattening Technology. (I know, I should not have fell for this; jeans should never be this complicated.) I’ve always wanted an ass. I’ve even considered plastic surgery for it. Then, I talked myself out of doing that. I started working out and got a firm butt, but still no “butt”. I’ve had people tell me to buy these. So I went to the website: “ Sexy is built right in with patent-pending technology: a special powernet panel in nylon and spandex with seams for shape, stretch for fit. Enhances your derriere. Flattens your tummy. Slims thighs so they look smoother and feel firmer.”

Notice the use of lady words such as “derriere” and “tummy”. Well, the powernet panel resembles creepy built-in biker shorts, talk about hot in the summer. All these did were flatten what little I have. You couldn’t tell where my leg met with “derriere”. The Tummy Flattening Technology resembles a wicked case of the muffin top. The technology is to resemble a pair of two sizes too small pants all while still fitting around the waist. I bought the rinse wash which did not look expensive at all. It resembled a pair of thin cotton Lee’s jeans that I had as a kid. There was no cute stitching, no rivets, very poorly made. The pockets were set very low, in fact it made things appear droopy. Anyways, I’m returning them and sticking to my classic Levi’s. If I want nylon and spandex then I’ll wear some Spanx. But, as my very sweet husband said, “You can’t lift what you don’t have.” Thanks babe, at least I have tits.