Flannel and Grunge: The Move May 15, 2008

Well, I’m doing the craziest thing ever, well since my wedding. We’ve decided to leave Tennessee and move to Seattle. We’ve been planning this, but we thought that we would wait until we both got jobs, etc. But, we’ve decided that we are wusses and we’re going to grow a couple of pairs and do what we want to really do.

I never do anything unplanned and frankly, I am scared of everything. So this is a big deal. Everything is almost packed up. I have two more weeks left at my current job placement and then we are out of here. I don’t know what I’ll miss in Nashville. My family is here so I’ll miss them. I’ll miss Mexican restaurants, humid summers and dirty South rap. I won’t miss the racism or ignorance that I experience daily. I won’t miss the horrible food culture and how I can’t get anything niche.

I’m ready for a change of scenery and something totally new. So, I’m driving across this country in a lil’ Scion for like 36 hours or something. It’ll be the road trip of a lifetime.  I’ll listen to grunge and wear a red flannel shirt and use Manic Panic Hair Dye in Plum Passion and eat chanterelles and drink espresso and be totally spoiled rotten. I’ll shoot up heroin in a van down by the ferries while seagulls attack my head. Sike, I won’t do that. Actually, I won’t do anything like that except get a little house by the water and a French bulldog named Stuckey, a cream colored beauty. I might wear flannel and I know I’ll eat wild mushrooms and continue to drink coffee.

I’m excited but I am scared shitless.

Demeter Fragrance Reviews: Peach, Stringbean, and Leather May 9, 2008

Ok, I should get this out of the way. I love Demeter PMU Sprays. I’ve been purchasing from this company for over 12 years now. They’re fun. They’re cheap. they’re weird. I know that lasting power does not exist in Demeter’s dictionary. I know that you can get some real duds too. But, I don’t care. I keep buying and hoping for the best. I don’t want to smell like a paperback book all day anyways. So, I’m going to start reviewing some of these delicious (and not so delicious) accords.

Peach: I bought this one on a whim. I don’t even like to eat peaches. I have a thing about not eating food that is fuzzy. Anyways, at first the fragrance is fresh, soft and fruity. It smells like peach schnapps due to the alcohol content. It smells a wee bit artificial or saccharin. It doesn’t have that “fuzzy” smell, so you won’t smell a texture with this one. It doesn’t smell “succulent”, actually it smells weak. After drying down for a few seconds, it smells exactly like Clarins Water Comfort One-Step Cleansing Water for dry skin (it contains peach essential water.) It dries down to something almost unnoticeable. It’s a pretty odor but very, very faint and almost infantile. This cologne is not repulsive but I will not buy it again due to its lack of authenticity. Of course, this is coming from a Southern gal that does not like peaches. So should you trust me?

Stringbean: For me this fragrance was a bit of a disappointment because it was a bit too “pretty” and jazzed up. It is too much of an interpretation of a naturally pretty item. At first it smells floral and very green, almost “hissy”, almost smells like Pine-Sol laced with tuberose. It eventually dries down to a fresh citrus. Like Peach, it lacks texture and does not smell “fuzzy”. The website describes this as being the fragrance of what stringbeans leave on fingertips, so maybe that was why I was disappointed. I wanted the smell of stringbeans humidifying in hot summer air in a wicker basket hiding away in the shade: hot, dirty and green.

Leather: At first I disliked Leather, but it has grown on me. I wanted dirty, rugged leather and now I finally see this in this product. On first spritz, splash, whatever form you choose, it smells… new and… black. It doesn’t smell like a worn in brown leather bomber jacket, old boots, or a book. It smells crisp, masculine. For some reason it smells jock-ish to me. Probably because this note is so often found in popular men’s fragrance (Kenneth Cole Black, Vera Wang, Ralph Lauren Polo, etc.) It smells like leather car seats, but not in that “new car” kind of way. As it begins to dry down it becomes softer and warmer unlike the crisper and cooler initial spritz. It begins to resemble loose, perfectly worn leather gloves or a baseball mitt. It is a very unisex accord and has the ability to conjure many memories. If I mix mine with Dirt PMU then it reminds me of my dad’s work boots and putting those big things on as a child. Leather smells like my first biker jacket from my rebellious youth (ok, goth days) but turns into my favorite Via Spiga purse that I have lugged around for years.

Tangerine Dream: 5 Citrus Inspired Cosmetics May 7, 2008

Oh, the weather is getting warmer which means that I’m preparing for summer. Or at least my summer makeup trends. Every year I get so amped about oranges, corals, tangerines. My first lovely product is #1 Nars Taj Mahal Powder Blush. It is a beautiful, vivid burnt orange with tons of gold shimmer. It melts into my pale complexion . For years I was terrified of this color because I thought it would look strange on my skin. I thought it was for girls waaay darker than me. Finally, I put it on at Sephora and couldn’t believe how bright and alive looking I could be. I love it, just like all my other Nars colors it is very pigmented. I apply it with a skunk brush and buff it into my cheeks. I keep everything else really simple. I’ll wear a nude beige shadow, mascara and lip balm. Sometimes I wear bronzer with this brush. This is the only blush that I wear that makes my blue eyes stand out.

The next orange product is #2 MAC Amplified Creme Lipstick in Morange which is a “loudmouth orange” as the MAC website describes it. It is a satiny, bright orange. I like to keep the look simple when I wear this too. I’ll wear a dab of Nars Orgasm Powder Blush, tons of black/brown mascara, groom the brows, and Lancome Le Crayon in Flame (another great orange product) with this lipstick. It really adds a punch to any look.

Product #3 is great if you want a sheerer orange lip is Lancome Juicy Rouge in Nala which is a sheer, buildable orange sparkle. This product has been discontinued for some stupid reason. You can still find it online and it is well worth the search. It has a great feel and no stickiness.

Product #4 puts marmalade on the eyes: NYX Eyeshadow Single in Orange. This color makes all eye colors pop in my opinion. It makes my blue eyes look stunning. This color can be dulled down with bronzes and golds (but why dull down such a beautiful shade?) I like to wear mine with NYX Ultimate Pearl Shimmer Eyeshadow in Sahara Pearl, blend. Use Lancome Artliner in Noir, lots of black mascara, Nars Taj Mahal Powder Blush, Nars Laguna Bronzer and a sparkling nude gloss such as DiorKiss Lip Gloss in Sorbet Meringue.

Product #5 is Max Factor MaxEye Eyeshadow Trio in Queen Bee which includes an orange, lime green, and pollen yellow all with a very subtle shimmer. These colors look great together, so be creative.

I could keep going on but I feel these are currently my favorite citrus inspired cosmetics.

Skyrocketing Gas Prices May 7, 2008

I am sure everyone reading this is aware of the skyrocketing gas prices taking over the tanks. Well, since I live in a place with zero mass transit, unless you want to be stabbed or go to work smelling like B.O. and a meth lab, there are very little alternatives for me. (Give the city credit, they are working on it.) My job requires that I commute alot. I mean ungodly distances. I have a car that has great gas mileage but I still need something better to get me around town. So, I’ve been thinking about possible alternatives. Walking will work for most places: the grocery store, the discount tobacco and beer mart, the white trash tanning salon, the nail salon and the midlife crisis biker bar. I would like something that could take me to further distances such as the pawn shop, dance studio or the world’s worst library. I”ve reached this conclusion:

I need this totally awesome deluxe continental lowrider bike in either red or purple with all of the totally awesome accessories. I’ve been thinking of my bike gang’s name all day. My husband says that I can’t get anywhere on this, it’ll take too long, I’ll fall over, blah, blah. But, he’s jealous of how cool I’ll be with this. There’s no need to rush when your just riding down the street for some buffalo wings and a pack of menthols. You buy a bike like this to slow down and take your time. Enjoy the 289.00 that you payed for it (plus all the other dollars to make it uniquely yours.) I’d hook up a mega sound system and play Big Booty Bass. I’d somehow incorporate ninja stars onto it. I’d get airbrushed t-shirts from the flea market at the farmer’s market with my crew’s name on them. I’d save so much money cruising around on this. I’d save money and be the envy of every 12 year old boy in the wood. I’d save so much money that I wouldn’t have to clip coupons anymore. Of course, I’d have to store the bike in my house so nobody will steal it. It’ll look great under a velvet painting. If only I could decide on a name for the bike. Oh and I’d need a basket in the front of it to put a puppy in one day.

Uplift Jeans Are A Downer May 7, 2008

Once again I fell for lame advertising gimmicks. I purchased the Victoria’s Secret VS Uplift Jeans with Tummy Flattening Technology. (I know, I should not have fell for this; jeans should never be this complicated.) I’ve always wanted an ass. I’ve even considered plastic surgery for it. Then, I talked myself out of doing that. I started working out and got a firm butt, but still no “butt”. I’ve had people tell me to buy these. So I went to the website: “ Sexy is built right in with patent-pending technology: a special powernet panel in nylon and spandex with seams for shape, stretch for fit. Enhances your derriere. Flattens your tummy. Slims thighs so they look smoother and feel firmer.”

Notice the use of lady words such as “derriere” and “tummy”. Well, the powernet panel resembles creepy built-in biker shorts, talk about hot in the summer. All these did were flatten what little I have. You couldn’t tell where my leg met with “derriere”. The Tummy Flattening Technology resembles a wicked case of the muffin top. The technology is to resemble a pair of two sizes too small pants all while still fitting around the waist. I bought the rinse wash which did not look expensive at all. It resembled a pair of thin cotton Lee’s jeans that I had as a kid. There was no cute stitching, no rivets, very poorly made. The pockets were set very low, in fact it made things appear droopy. Anyways, I’m returning them and sticking to my classic Levi’s. If I want nylon and spandex then I’ll wear some Spanx. But, as my very sweet husband said, “You can’t lift what you don’t have.” Thanks babe, at least I have tits.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert May 7, 2008

Typically I watch films that I analyze as being gay (Double Dragon, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes). This one is outright so. It’s entertaining, campy, feel-good, etc. But, I don’t love it; I feel a lot is lacking. There are some beautiful shots of the Outback. It has enough fantasy to keep me occupied. I mean how can one change all their makeup that quickly? The costumes are quirky and bright. My complaint is that the characters aren’t established enough. Mitzi (Hugo Weaving, Lord of the Rings, Matrix movies) poses the Rudolph Valentino question of is he or isn’t he? Why does he care if his 8 year old son knows if he is gay or whatever? Felicia (Guy Pearce) is an obnoxious queen that fits every unwanted stereotype of gayness: being molested as a child, drug use. Bernadette (Terence Stamp) is a bitch that really does not want to be associated with the gay community but isn’t accepted by anyone else. Mitzi’s wife is out there and really used to complicate the story line; to provide Mitzi with the son shocker. Bob is a predictable cutie. The music is great. I haven’t heard this much ABBA in a while.

I like the presentation of the rural Australians because they are so similar to rural Americans, replace kangaroo with deer and BAM! This film tries to say a lot about environment. Sexual “deviants” migrate to the city and the “normal” people stay in the rural areas. We find all of the flamboyant Boy George drag queens at Trumpet’s funeral in the city covered in cake makeup and silver metallic lipstick, dressed to impress even in time of mourning.  We find the hatred to outsiders in the rural Outback by the “normal” folk. For one night an Aboriginal group and the main characters spend a night dancing, sharing a common bond as outsiders in the outskirts of society. Bob lives in a tiny town with his Southeast Asian wife. Bob is a gentleman, longing for a traditional relationship. He stayed with her just because the papers said she was his wife despite the fact that his wife is hypersexual, promiscuous, and a sexual deviant (umm, the age-old ping-pong balls on the bar gag). She wanted to be in Sydney but got stuck living with Bob in the middle of nowhere. In the end, Mitzi and Felicia go back to the city, where they are wanted and belong. Their lifestyle is too nontraditional, we are given the impression that Mitzi chooses to be gay or at least live a gay lifestyle. Bernadette, despite her strange gender situation, chooses to stay with Bob in the country to live a happy, “normal”, rural life. She feels that she has encountered too many flakes in the city and needs to, can only find real life with Bob, a genuine gentleman from the country. The entire journey she is annoyed by her gay (or at least we think Mitzi is gay) travel partners. She wants to disconnect herself from that community, so she stays in the country. All three of the travelers climb the mountain, Felicia’s dream, only to be disappointed and want to go back to their urban environment again.

I understand why this film is so popular. It feels good to watch; there’s enough drama but not enough to make you feel down. It’s empowering: you can have your cake (be gay/glamorous party lifestyle) and eat it too (have a family). This movie appeals to a straight audience because it isn’t too sexual and it doesn’t get into a lot of deep internal gay conflict. It appeals to a gay audience because it is fun and well maybe for the same reasons that straight people may like it: you don’t have to think about it. In conclusion, if you haven’t seen it you should but take along a few cosmos for the ride on pink Priscilla.

Guerlain Aqua Allegoria Figue-Iris May 6, 2008

Yesterday, I ordered Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria Fique-Iris for my birthday and I can’t wait to get it in. I’m buying it unsniffed, so it better be good. My local Sephora gets everything in months later than everyone else and I had to have this now. I love figs and I love iris. I’ve heard that the Iris used in this fragrance is “Guerlainish and violety”. I have no problem with this. I use Meteorites daily just because I love the soft greenish floral fragrance. When I finally get this in I will be sure to give everyone the full fragrance report.